A Friday Message From Your Emperor

Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.

CRAPPY MAKEUP • TINY DIGITS • EVIL MINDS

  HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him.  This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …

CRUCIFIXION!

EDITOR’S NOTE: Historians are largely in agreement that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ probably occurred on Nisan 14, (April 7), according to the Gospel of John. The Urantia Book confirms this date, expanding the information to include many details of the events which unfolded during those monumental days around April, 7, A.D. 30. The following account is from a recently …

This Week In Fake Fake News

WASHINGTON D.C. — Now that we have a self-flagellating Liar-in-Chief who plays golf every week on your dime and has blown out the first family security budget in less than two months just to keep Milania a safe distance from his gelatinous girth, we can get on with trying to figure out what “alternative facts” are simply fake news, and what stories are actually …

LIAR Chooses Conway Over Trump

Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.

T-RUMP WRECKS MAR a LAGO, NATION NEXT

TYRANTOSAURUS RUMP— the latest moniker to slur your flailing so-called president, is not just a riff on the old fart’s rage-aholicism, or his stumpy digits.

Forget Alternative Facts; Deal With The Alternative Universe

No, NASA did not invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles. That’s some shit from the alternative universe.