BREAKFAST DURING ZAPPADAN is special at our home, because we have these. “These” are fantasy muffins; muffins made from pure imagination. Imaginary muffins, each adorned with a lovely, tiny green rosetta— a small, seemingly insignificant detail, which, I tell you truly, make the muffin better.
Honestly? Appliantologists f’n freak me out. But if they want to celebrate life, more power to them.
Sleazy Pancakes? Desenex Burgers? Burnt Weeny Sandwiches?
Only one place to get’em.
We begin our celebration of ZAPADAN ’09 with a look back at ZAPPADAN ’08, our first foray into the dark underbelly of the emerging world-wide Zappanese culture.
In 1973 Sarah Palin placed third runnerup in the Little Miss Land ‘O Goshen Beauty Pageant, and also winning best make-up, best teeth, and “most charmin’ young miss” awards. Historian Gaylord Smellisham of the Society of Beauty Pageant Dilettantes, produced the chilling photograph of a nine year old Sarah Palin that shows the young contestant had a remarkably adult face.
Imagine waking up reeking with sweat, trembling, and screaming, because you just saw First Princess Carrie Prejean leering at you over the chubby shoulder of President-Queen-elect Sarah Palin, while Mittens Romney, Second Princess, in full evening gown drag with magic undies ridin’ high, fawns over her other shoulder… and that roaring chainsaw sound permeating this paralyzing visage? It’s none other than the First Dude’s ATV, riding roughshod over Michelle and the kids’ vegetable garden…
Jaded astronomy wonks will typically tell you that with the naked eye most of us can only distinguish about 2,500 stars under ideal conditions. What nonsense.
